Question 1/12

When a conversation feels tense, my first instinct is… *

Say it again in a clearer way so they actually hear me.

Feel annoyed they didn’t pick up on this sooner.

Fix it right now — I can't feel at peace until it's resolved.

Pull back — it always feels like the only other option is a fight.

Question 2/12

When I express a need… *

Go back to it until I feel genuinely understood.

Replay it and wonder why I was the only one taking responsibility.

Feel restless until it’s fully resolved — I can’t move on.

Step back and hope the tension just settles on its own.

Question 3/12

After a disagreement, I usually… *

Revisit it until I feel heard.

Replay it in my head and wonder why they didn’t see the obvious.

Want to resolve it ASAP so we can move on.

Shut down and need space before I can even think about talking.

Question 4/12

When I bring something up and my partner gets defensive, I… *

Try explaining again from a different angle.

Feel irritated I even had to bring this up — it seems obvious.

Double down because now it feels like the problem is expanding.

Retreat — if we keep going, it feels like it’ll turn into a fight.

Question 5/12

Which statement sounds most like you? *

If I explain it better, they’ll finally understand.

I shouldn’t have to manage every little thing — they’re an adult.

If we don’t handle this now, I won’t be able to let it go.

Avoiding conflict feels safer than getting pulled into an argument.

Question 6/12

When something bothers me… *

It comes out fast and strong — I can’t hold it in.

I assume my partner will notice… but they often don’t.

My mind jumps to worst-case scenarios until we talk.

I tell myself it’s not worth the argument.

Question 7/12

What’s your biggest frustration during conflict? *

Not being heard or taken seriously.

Feeling like I’m carrying the awareness and accountability.

Feeling like things won’t improve unless I stay on top of it.

Feeling overwhelmed — like it’s either stay quiet or get into a fight.

Question 8/12

In day-to-day life, your communication feels more like… *

Repeating the same concern, hoping it sinks in.

Quiet resentment when I’m tracking everything alone.

Constantly scanning for problems so I can prevent a blowup.

Keeping the peace, even when it costs me.

Question 9/12

When it comes to emotional conversations, I tend to… *

Jump straight into the problem.

Expect my partner to recognize the issue without needing me to spell it all out.

Push for a solution quickly because the unknown is stressful.

Avoid starting them — I don’t want things to escalate.

Question 10/12

Lately, our disagreements feel… *

Circular — we keep rehashing the same thing.

Imbalanced — I’m noticing and naming the issues first every time.

Intense — one of us is on high alert trying to resolve it instantly.

Pointless — my partner is upset with me no matter what I do.

Question 11/12

When I think about improving our relationship, I wish… *

They could hear me without becoming dismissive or defensive.

They’d take more initiative so it doesn’t all fall on me.

Things felt steadier so I didn’t have to be on guard all the time.

Hard conversations didn’t feel like they’d turn into an argument.

Question 12/12

When I’m upset, my default move is… *

Talk it through until I feel understood.

Assume they should’ve seen the issue before I said anything.

Push to resolve it ASAP so I can finally breathe.

Pull back to avoid a fight.

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